Well, it has been a while since I logged on and wrote. Why? I suppose it is because things have been serene with the ex. We are getting on well, he has the kids every fortnight and whenever I need a hand with baby sitting he is more than happy to comply. He has been paying his share of expenses towards the kids, which is quite helpful and shows his sense of responsibility towards his kids.
The good thing about all this is that we managed to find a common ground and get along as 2 mature adults.
It took a while, there was all the resentment, the anger, the hurt to deal with. After all it was an 11 year relationship, from which 3 kids were born. We had a lot and it all went to loss. But the thing is that the anger and the hatred blinded us. The fact that we were fighting in what we believed was right wasn't a positive aspect, why? Because we were hurting other people. Our families were suffering to see us in this situation and most important of all so were our kids.
But this is all water under the bridge now.
The good thing out of all of this is that I learnt to accept things for what they are.
You see, the human being is a funny thing. You have 2 types of human beings, the normal ones, who accept the pain, the suffering, knowing that even though things seem bad, something good always comes out of it. But they accept things as they are, they fight for a better situation, but they do it in a healthy way, without trampling over people, and considering in every step they take if they are hurting someone along the way. These people are considerate, loving and dedicated. They love their family, children and friends. They are loyal and do not use people as if they were a tissue.
Then you have the other type. The ones who have personality disorders, but do not want to admit it. These are the ones you really have to keep an eye on.
You know they say that there are around 6 million people who suffer from some sort of personality disorder, but most people affected won't present their symptoms to the doctor; they simply don't believe there's anything wrong with them, rather that other people are the cause of any problems.
The thing with these people is that they will go to any extent to get what they want. When I think of it, when I was going through my divorce I recall being blinded by the hatred and wanting to go to any extent to get what I wanted from the settlement. But funny enough as the case progressed I began seeing things in a different way, and because I had such great support from my family and my wonderful partner it was easy for me to transform the hurt and hatred into something positive. So in the end it worked out well for me, the kids and the ex.
You see they say that people who suffer from Personality disorders feel no need to take responsibility for their actions and won't accept being challenged or criticized. They want to be at the centre of a group of adoring followers, giving them the god-like status they think they deserve. So much so they are so afraid of death that they opt for Cryonics with the hope of being brought back one day and continue living as young and beautiful as they once were.
Fat chance of that happening. They will probably come back like zombies and full of medical conditions.
I find it appalling how people can be so afraid of death and will go to any extent to defy it. They will defy God's will, and nature. If God wanted the human being to live forever he would have given us the joy of eternity. As the bible quotes: The King Messiah will in some future time come, restore the kingdom of David to its former power, build the Temple, bring together the scattered of Israel, and all the ancient laws will again be in force. Sacrifices will be offered, and years of release and Jubilees will be kept as prescribed in the Torah. Whoever does not believe in him, or does not hope for his coming, shows a lack of faith not only in the prophets, but also in the Torah. For the Torah testifies concerning him in the words: 'And the L-rd your God will again bring back your captivity, and show mercy unto you, and again gather you from all the nations...If your outcasts be at the ends of the heavens, from there will the L-rd gather you...And the L-rd will bring you into the land which your fathers possessed...'(Deut. 30:3-5).
So why defy God and go against nature? It is part of life, you are born, you live, you learn how to age gracefully and then you die. The most important thing is to learn how to live your life to a max, with or without kids. Some people are blessed with the joy of parenthood, some aren't. Why? I cannot answer, it is God will, as it was God's will to take my son. But everything happens for a reason. Maybe if Ben was alive I would still ne stuck in a marriage that caused me pain.
But it happened and I moved on, I dealt with the loss, I dealt with the pain, I dealt with my divorce and I have moved on to greater things.
I have my kids, a partner that is devoted and lovely, an ex that is fulfilling his role and I have some me time.
Thank God I am free of any negative feeling as they consume you and blind you. Some people cannot simply accept things how they are. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. But if they don't you need to accept them and move on and try to find your happiness somewhere else.
I believe that when things don't go according to what we plan it was a way of God telling us that put happiness lies somewhere else. But some people are so consumed in getting their own way that they will go to any extent.
People like this are people who are usually suffering from NPD. You can point one out if you find the following characteristics:
A grandiose sense of self-importance ‚– Egomaniacs exaggerate their achievements and talents, and want other people to recognize them as superior.
Preoccupation with success and power ‚– They're obsessed with fantasies involving their own brilliance or beauty.
Arrogance ‚– The behaviour is haughty, their attitude conceited and they show rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.
Need for excessive admiration – Egomaniacs need attention, they want to be adored or, failing that, feared.
A sense of entitlement‚– They have unreasonable expectations and believe they desfavorable treatment.
Exploitative – Happy to take advantage of others, they use people to get what they want.
Lack of empathy ‚– Egomaniacs can't or won't acknowledge other people's feelings.
A belief of being unique ‚– They believe that they're special and can only be understood by and associate with people of high status.
Feel envy towards others – And believe others feel envious of them.
You know what, I am so happy I can deal with my issues in a healthy manner and always find a positive way out to all the situations I find myself in. It helps me evolve as human being, find equilibrium and happiness.
I pity those who suffer from personality disorders and persist on something that isn't meant to be.
Once I got rid of my paranoia to get the most out of my divorce and the way I wanted them to be, things just began flowing naturally and all came to a good end. The ex and I courteous to each other and the most important thing of all the kids are happy that mum and dad are getting on.
So keep well and sane, believe that all has a reason to happen and let go of what is not meant to be, you may be wasting precious time and missing out on great opportunities.
Until next time!
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10 comments:
I'm signed up for cryonics myself. I understand about personality disorders. I don't think, however, that myself have a personality disorder. And I'm certainly not wanting to be the center of attention nor am I grandiose. I simply don't want to die so soon and cryoincs has a scientific basis in biology and physics and if it works, we may yet be able to come back for a few thousand years. It's an experiment and things could go wrong, but that's a risk I'm willing to take-- given the alternative-- total personal physical extinction forevermore. Aside from that, cryonics will require that civilization continue so I'm keenly interested in seeing humanity do well in general. In that sense, I'm no different than any other person trying to make the world better for everyone.
I read and understood your point of view and respect it. But my view to this is that God made us and gave us a natural course to follow. My beliefs differ from yours, but eveyone has the right to try for what they think is best for themselves. As you said:cryoincs has a scientific basis in biology and physics and if it works, we may yet be able to come back for a few thousand years.
Fair enough. My belief os that we do come back even if we die. I believe in reencarnation. I go down the spiritual line rather than the scientific line. Science is great, I myself find it amazing as to what it can achieve and I love technology, dont get me wrong. But regarding the natural course of life I would prefer , this is my opinion, to follow the normal path. I do not like the idea that I can be brought back and my kids arent around and if they are they are older than me, unless the whole family decided to do the same thing once they passed away. Have you ever thought of that?
I do not think that all people that go down this path suffer of NPD, but you can be certain that as there are 6 million people around the world who suffer from NPD and do no admit it, it will be there 1st choice when they die, if they can afford it of course.
Now for humanity to do well, I am keen on it as well, but shouldnt we try to do well why we are alive, by trying to reduce the hole in the ozone layer, harm less ou environment, have less wars, be less difficult and have more consideration towards one and other. I believe if these matters arent dealt with no cryonics will be enough to make the world a better place. As you know the climate is changing constantly and they are predicting great floods for the future and even whole countries disappearing with these, amongst them UK, less and less snow, hotter and hotter summers. So if all this happens how will cryonics survive?
Anyway, nice to hear from you.
I read through a few of your earlier posts and it does appear as though you're facing a difficult situation. I think what's happening in your life is, fundamentally, a breakdown of the family unit. Leaving cryonics aside-- the family unit is a building block of society... or has been. I don't think you're going to believe me-- but you might-- and if you do-- then you might want to add this element to your fight---> The family unit is under attack, as a whole. To strengthen yourself and your fight, you could promote the family unit as the number one element of a healthy society. To do that, you would add Henry Makow to your reading list-- as your number one reference. [+]
I'm going to read some more of your posts over the next while-- and see if what you're saying isn't consistent with what Makow is saying is happening to the family unit. Good work on using this blog system. Pretty cool! Hang in there-- whoever you are-- and please take a look at Makow.
thanks. --Bon Homme.
There isnt a break down of a family unit, there was a while ago, but for the last 8 months things have been back to normal and balanced. The father is seeing the kids on a regular basis, he is paying his share of the maintanence and we are on good terms, very polite to one and other and all this because we noticed that it wasnt worth continuing hurting each other as the only people we were really hurting were the kids. So we moved on and nowadays I can say we get on fine, we chat, he talks to me about his problems, asks for my opinion and we are getting on fine. He is in a relationship, the woman is nice to my kids and so am I in a relationship and the kids adore my partner. So there really isnt a break dwon here but yes a bridge that has been mended and all is fine. Unlike u say I am not going through a tough time, I have been through a tough time, but the storm is now dying and the sun is shinning again. I am at the best I could ever be. My kids are happy, they have a mum a da who love them and spend a lot of quality time with them and our partners are good to them.
So now I think that things can only get better.
Once the anger and the court proceedings ended all became much clearer and healthier.
Ok but just take a look at Makow when you can then. Some fascinating stuff there on women and men-- and what's happening in general in society that I think might be true. I'll check back here in about 3 months to see if you've commented on Makow.... that's around May 9.
I dont think you need to wait till My for my opinion on Makow. I did some research on the net about him and I can say that I was not impressed by someone like him. I would not buy his book, it is not the type of book I would actually go for. I read some of his online articles and I didnt find any interest in them what so ever, he reminded me a bit of that author Robert Greene the wacko who wrote the art of seduction and the 48 laws of power. The two most horrendous books that ever existed. Makow , is seen as completely, utterly, deliciously insane from the people who read his stuff and honestly I do not go for things like that. After my break up I read some books on how to cope after a separation... But what I found is that at the end of the day you can read as many books as you want, but help is only there if you accet that you need it and take the first step by accepting that there is a problem. If you go on saying all is fine and you think you can manage on you r own and do not accept that u have a problem then u will never progress. After my separation all the books wouldnt help, so I went for counselling to help me deal with matters, which I did, I had a valuable experience with my counsellor and it was ME time, where I could actually here muself think. After I stopped, I managed to carry on in a healthy way. But the most important thing of all was the fact that my family were there for me and my mum and dad were the best to talk to and give good advice. Then came my partner who has always given me great support.
So sorry I shall pass on Makow....
Okay, fair enough. Makow is proposing we're living under a world wide takeover conspiracy projected by the Illuminati who are intentionally feeding the nervous system of society with ideas that break down the family unit-- and you don't buy that. So-- just out of curiosity, are you following the story on the impending attack on Iran by the US Bush/Cheney administration? -- did you see where Tony Blair is even warning AGAINST it?
I am not really fond of Tony Blair, since he has been our PM things havent been the same let alone better. Thanks to him we have the so called CSA (child supprt agency) which is a complete joke and lone mothers became even loner since all men who decide that they do not want to pay for child maintenance can get away with it. Tony Blair has done hos time and he should leave as soon as possible and hopefully he will be replaced by someone wiser and who will actually focus on England rather than concentrate on going to the Parliament aand burping a few irrelavant ideas.
As you see I am not Pro Blair. Good riddance to him. I really hope Gordon Brown doesnt replace him, or else we will be where we are now with Blair. I am all for David Cameron.
It's great to see your situation improve, and refreshing to read this blog item in contrast to your rant often quoted on the Mothers-for-justice website.
http://www.mothers-for-justice.net/csa.html
Just goes to show you how much the fight, gets in the way of seeing the wider picture, and I hope you now can view good fathers who campaign to stop their parental role being abused by no so kind and honest mothers.
There are often two sides to ever story, and we must not label mums or dads who campaign for a better outcome as always having an agenda that isn't in the child interest.
Keep up the great work,
A dad from Manchester
Yes, there are two sides of the story, but in my case it took a while for my ex to wake up and smell the roses. It was only I changed my attitude he bagn acting in a more civilised way. Thing is that if none of us move on, the situation will stay in a rut. The problem is the anger and ressentment, sometimes people arent capable of letting go of these, from the moment I let go of these feelings that were poisining my life things became better.
The thing is that when a relationship ends on bad terms, or with on party not accepting it things get very bitter and people go and seek revenge.
My whole issue was: Just help pay for the upbringing of your kids, beacause they are your kids as well, and help me by having them at least once every fortnight, help to babysit when I need to work till later, just helpppppppppp!!
When the message finally got through things as well got better. Now he helps, he pays for his half of the kids expenses. The CSA, still rubbush , I have given up on them, but I receive my lovely £20 a month when they remember to pay it in to my account. As long as the dad will do his part I am happy. That was all I have been asking for since it all began, do not leave me in the lurch as the kids are your responsibility as well.
That is what parents have to focus on, that they are both responsible for their kids upbringing and wellbeing.
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