I am still very annoyed with this whole crappy system. I rang the Inland Revenue, and reported my ex to them! Are they going to do something about it? I don't think so. You see that is why this country is so screwed, because everyone benefiting from the Queen's bosom and she seems to take pleasure out of it! Pardon my French!
I am just SO fed up of this whole rubbish system and I really wished that the PM, MP's, archbishop, Rabbi's, anyone would do something to change this living hell we live in!I emailed all MP's that exist and news papers to let them know about the situation but all I get is that I have a GREAT POINT! Yes I do! And so do many parents who have been feeling betrayed by the system. But do we hear about any changes. Well the NHS issue is more important at the moment, and lets not forget about all the so called deportees that should have been sent back who have vanished! Priorities? No, I don't think this government knows the meaning of the word priority! Maybe if they would stop and actually organize themselves this country wouldn't be in such a mess.
Now we have fathers who are saying that parents should have shared residency of the children I ask you:Would a dad give his life up for his kids? spend 24/7 time with them? Would he be able to go to work, entertain them, take them to their ballet/activities. Use his weekends to do things that are only child related? Juggle, work, home chores, the kids all in one go? Be there for them when they are sick, provide a safe/clean home? Take them travelling, organize play scheme for them? Would he be able? Because I can tell you it is a very demanding job, working and being a full time parent, you barely have time for yourself. So I believe that is why women end up with the custody, because they are prepared to give their life for their kids, it is a womans instinct to want to protect her kids and see to the,. Fun, socializing will come in 100th place. Would men be able or prepared to give up their footie game, or footie match on TV for the kids?
Would they be able to give up the pub or would they drag the kids with them to an inappropriate environment? Because one thing I can tell you is that my ex wouldn't do it. The one time I asked him to have the kids for a full weekend he dumped them with his sister and buggered off to Leeds to watch a footie match!
When we saw the Cafcass officer to discuss residency his exact words were: I love my kids to bits, but children have to be with their mother! Yeah that's reallllllly love isn't it? Love you kids but mum takes care of you so I can enjoy my free time!!
If the father is trustworthy, reliable and dedicated, I wouldn't have a problem with anything, because I know that they would be properly cared, and like that each parent has some time for themselves. I tried this with the ex, but he would dump them with his girlfriends, or sister, would bugger off to play footie, or would always have friends around, parties , drinking... They would return frustrated and annoyed. Or he would come and say that he couldn't have them because of things he had to do. So if the parents are both responsible fair enough, but when you are in a situation where the so called dad says: I love my kids, but they have to live with the mother, because mums know best, to the court, how can you trust a man like that? No question about their residency it has to be with their mum! it is a bit worrying, basically what he is saying is: I think I love my kids, but I really cant be bothered having them 24/7.
If a couple has parted on good terms and they are only thinking of the children's well being fair enough (something like out of a great Hollywood script, does it exist?), but if an ex partner is the reincarnation of the Devil (like mine, but with acute peter pan syndrome to top it up), and doesn't comply to the court orders, cant be bothered to support the kids financially and feeds them loads of crap, like when he sees them at the centre, I think that they shouldn't have the right to even think in shared residency, let alone seeing them. You want the right to see your kid do the right thing for them, be supportive and dont take revenge of your partner because he or she ended the relationship.
Parents who see their kids as mere trophies should just go to hell!
My ex vanished for 2 yrs, because I refused to let him take the kids away to Brazil for 4 weeks. Would you allow it? How was I to know if he was going to return them? And he would just dump them with his family, or friends, girlfriends like he did when he would have them from sat to sun. No, if a parent isn't considerate with his kids, like mine was always an absent father, always putting his mates and football before his kids, people like him should keep away, because the only thing that they are capable of doing is psychological damage. Like my ex has been doing.
Parents want access, ok fair enough but they should support the kids financially, morally, and emotionally... When the dad is a dedicated one, the contact should be easy to work out. But when he is a Pratt like 95% of them, then what? Judges close their eyes and allow contact no the child can't suffer and damage?? Is it a joke? Can't Cafcass or the Judge read through them?? So, what happens here is that the minority of good dads suffer because the 95% are ruining the good ones images. Shouldnt the good dads focus on working and sending positive messages to the bad ones?
I have work for many years now in court as in Interpreter and I did a lot of family court. So I see quite a lot of what happens. And one thing I can say is that the judge, who happens to be a male most of the time, cannot see beyond his nose. They keep on giving people chances and more chances to prove themselves and even though they don't, they still manage to get away with things. In most of the cases that I attended to as an interpreter it was the same story, the dad seeking access after vanishing, and usually has a history of non maintenance payments, no support what so ever, and then come back burping his rights! So I am not speaking for myself, or from my own personal experience, but from what I actually see happening in court while I am at work, and I shall remind you that I have no right to interfere, I just translate what is said.
I am not saying that Dads don't have rights, of course they do! But rights and responsibilities come together. How would a mum be seen if she didn't look well after her kids? Whhhhhhhaaaaaaaa It would be a scandal. If people want equal rights then they need to do the things equally. Why do men get better paid then women? Why can men go out and the mum stays home looking after the kids? Why is it that men continue their life as normal after a kid is born, but the mum gives it all up?
So either you achieve an agreement, lets both share the job of looking after the kids and working, or one of us looks after them but one has to provide! So what do you think, is it wrong? I am fighting for the well being of my kids, I never told the father to stop seeing his kids, he stopped because he decided to do so, then 2 yrs later remembers they exist.
Come on and do you actually think that a man like that deserves joint residency? He would dump his kids with his sister or girlfriends, was never capable of spending a whole day with them on his own. Even for his birthday he threw a bbq and hired a babysitter! So he could drink as much as he wanted. Look, this is my case, and I want what is right for the kids, and a dad that sees his kids as mere trophies and plasters them all over the internet is not really one that can be trusted with joint residency.
Once I had to go away for a weekend due to work, he refused to have them from Friday, saying that his time was from sat 4pm to Sunday. He told me to get a sitter for Friday night till sat; I had to plead with the man to have his own kids for the weekend. On fathers day kids were asking about their dad, I had to ring him and convince him to get the kids to spend the day with them, of course he couldn't come alone. He would dump the kids with no matter whom so he could play football or watch a match.
Now do u think that it is appropriate for a child to grow up amongst people holding pints or cans of beer, smoking and partying non stop? That is why I say, men who have always been good dads, no matter the situation and have always been present in their kids life, yes it is fair to have more access, they are a good influence a positive one. But not someone that never was present and every time we were on an outing or travelling would have a long face, because it wasn't as fun as being with his mates.
I would have loved my kids to have a devoted loving dad, but not everyone is born to be a mum or a dad. How many people have kids and go on living their lives as if nothing ever changed? Even my kids knew that their dad wasn't one to keep his promises. My eldest one would beg him not to go play football and spend time, but would he stay? How many times I would catch her looking from the window and asking when would daddy arrive? It was heart breaking. But she got used to his absence. I can say it wasn't hard for her to get use to it.
It is a hard situation and many people part on bad term, and when this happens unfortunately the kids suffer, but how do you fix a situation like mine? My ex doesnt give me a penny, and my income goes for the bills at home, ballet classes, pianos lessons, Hebrew lessons, club, brownies, theatre plays for kids, musicals (they adore), they have seen the Phantom of the opera, on film and in Brazil at the theatre, Les miserables, Mary Poppins, the lion King, Scrooge and so on, Ballets, Operas such as The Magic flute, classical concerts, travelling.
Now he doesn't fork out for none of this, and still complains that they dont go swimming! Bad mum I am! What about the school uniforms, lunches? Does the CSA actually reckon that the £5 he was asked to pay weekly for the kid’s covers anything above mentioned? Oh yes, forgot to say he still hasn't paid anything since June 05, still waiting! But in the meantime, he went skiing in Austria, spent 2 months in Brazil, and went for the carnival. What do you think about that? And when the kids ask him for a game for the Nintendo DS you know what he says? Daddy hasn't got money for things like that, but here are some crisps! I dont agree that mums should empower themselves, or seek vengeance using the kids.
All that I would like is people to live up to their responsibilities. Is that asking too much? Why is it that I can work full time, still working now from home, by the way, manage to pay child care, pay for everything for my kids and the dad doesnt even fork out £5 p/w? That is what gets to me, if they want equality then act equally!
As I said, I dont want my ex's money, actually I have been paying for the mortgage on my own since 2004, he dumped me with a mortgage of £1000, why so high? Because we re-mortgaged to buy a cafe for him in 2001 and he still runs, he would have legally to pay for his share that we re-mortgaged as he gets all the income from the Cafe and all I get is an up yours! But hey, that is normal, I am supporting his business aren't i? But that is ok as well, poor thing cannot pay for a share where his kids live. But it is normal for me to pay for the £70000 extra that was taken on top of the mortgage to buy the CAFE that HE runs and HE profits from, but has no money to give towards his kids! I could have taken it all from him if I was a real cow, but no, all I wanted was justice, hahahahaha do u get this in this country? At the end I was granted with the flat, which is being transferred to my sole name, and he has a £4500 over draft that I have been paying monthly, because he refuses to pay, he tells the bank he hasn't got money, and even though the court ordered him to pay it back to me in instalments and he agreed is he paying properly, hahahahaha NOT!!
All I want is my kids to grow up with knowledge, culture and happy. Is that asking too much??
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