Have you been let down by the CSA ( Child Support Agency)? Is your ex husband claiming that he has no money and cannot find work, therefore cannot help with the child's maintenance? Have you been working all hours of the day to make ends meet and give your children all the best? Have you given up your social life, are you living 24/7 for your kids, and hardly getting any support? Are you running after childcare?
If you answered yes to most of these questions then you are in the same situation as many mothers in the UK , me and a very close friend of mine.
The British government says that we live in a 1st world country, but honestly I feel that I am living in medieval times, when people manage to get away with murder!!
Why is it that a woman, a mother with a job can manage to wake up in the morning, get the kids ready for school, take them to school, go to work, pick them up from school club or their childminder, get home, bath them, feed them, help them with their homework, read with them, put them to bed and then look at her watch and see that it is already 9pm, and she still has to do some work from home! ( that would be my case). Weekends are dedicated to the activities that they cannot do during the week such as ballet, piano, swimming, etc.
I ask myself why are we women capable of doing all this? Why are we prepared and manage to give up our own time and life for the well being of our kids?
There is a simple answer to that...
We love our kids and we want to give them the best in life, we want them to learn values, morals and principals, so they can lead a healthy and stable life. We want them to grow up to be successful and happy.
Apart from the fact that women are more flexible, versatile, intelligent and can do many things in one go.
Why is it that men who father children, after a separation or divorce decide that they do not have anymore obligations what so ever towards the children? Making the child is fun isn't it? But they forget that a child is for life....
It is so unfortunate and sad to see all these men just forgetting about their responsibilities as fathers. We have Rights for Fathers organization... But what do these men want? Access to their children? Yes fair enough, no parent should be denied access, but a parent that wants access must remember that their children need to be fed, clothed, need toys, books, holidays, leisure , entertainment, birthday parties, hobbies and so on. They need attention, dedication, love, moral and emotional support.
Why is it that these men come and demand their rights but do not want to live up to their responsibilities?
Why do they see their kids just as simple trophies and not a human beings that need to be nurtured, loved, fed, clothed? Being a parent is being by their side when they are ill, through their tantrums, the changes that they are going through, through happy and hard moments.
Why is it that they can go to the CAFCASS officer and the courts and lie in a shameless way about their situation and point at the mother as being the villain?
Do they actually have an idea of what it is to be a mother? All the effort , time and dedication that is devoted to this little person, that you want to see to grow into someone good and virtuous.
Why can they lie about their income to the Inland revenue, go on the dole and work cash in hand?
What happens when they do that? Not only are they evading their taxes, but we are paying to keep them alive by paying our taxes.
What happens next?
The CSA only has access to their income via the Inland Revenue, if they are evading their taxes how will they know? If they are saying that they are on the dole or if they are working cash in hand and Inland Revenue isn't aware, the CSA will end up awarding you £5 , yes you haven't read wrong, it is £5 per week no matter if you have one, two or four kids!
This outrages me, and it outraged me so much that I and a friend decided to do something about it!
The so called Fathers go out dressing in super heroes outfits, chaining themselves to gates, climbing walls in protest, sitting on cranes to get their voice heard!! But if you stop and have a close look at these men who are seeking attention, you will find ex convicts, abusers, alcoholics, tax evaders, drug users, etc....
I have had enough of all of this, and these so called fathers getting away without paying the child's maintenance as it should be paid... If they want to have access to their kids they need to know that responsibilities comes with it.
The problem is that most of the mothers are too competent and they know that their kids will not go hungry or cold. All they want is to have the kids when it is convenient and parade them in front of their friends, but would they ever give up a football match, party or a good day/night out with their mates for their kids, would they? My ex use to see his kids on a regular basis, before he ended contact for 2 years, he would take the kids over night, but if he had a football match to watch he would dump them with his sister. If he had to play football he would just take drag them along and leave them with some female friend. Hardly ever would there be outings to the cinema, park, theatre, oh no, that would be demanding too much!! Pubs where all the friends would be were always more appealing. And he would always be sure that a female friend was with him to help him cope. To look after the kids while he would drink his pints!
My kids and I are always doing something over the weekend or when there is an event during the week, and I work everyday! According to the ex the kids can learn valuable skills watching Daddy playing football and having a drink in the pub! Yeah, lets learn how to be an airhead just like Daddy!!! yeahhhh!!
It is time we got our voice heard, but in a decent way....
We need to get our statements out there, we need the CSA to be revised and given more power to dig into the father's life, not only have access to the Inland Revenue... They need to have access to their bank accounts, credit card statements, how many trips one does per year, what are their out goings per week or per month...
I was so outraged with the CSA when I received my award maintenance letter that I cried like I hadn't cried for many months!
But I didn't just sit back and accept it! I began fighting for what I believed in... And now the CSA and Inland Revenue are taking the matter further... Will I get results? I don't know, I can only pray and hope and keep on top of them so they can do the right thing.
What I cannot admit is sitting back knowing that the ex travels at least twice a year, partying every night and laughing in glory to the letter that the CSA sent him demanding £5 in maintenance!
I ask you is it fair???
If you believe in this, and agree with me, and find your self in the same situation, please share your story with me, little by little we can start doing something about it. The more mothers we have the easier it will be. We will join our minds and get new ideas to sort this mess out.
Natacha
25 comments:
Very well Cassia it is great to find symapthy we need to join our forces and fight for our rights!
Hi Nataccha, I have read your site and feel for you, but there are men like me out there that are actually paying one sixth of my gross earnings to an ex wife that left me for another man and they are both earning.
I would love to have the pleasure of seeing my children other than just weekends, i would love to give them a kiss and a cuddle before they go to bed at night and answer their calls when they wake in the middle of the night. but that has been taken from me.
I agree with what you are trying to do and there are plenty of sites out there as well supporting mothers,
our site is not gender biased cgfap.co.uk or cgfap.com and our aim is to fight the injustice of the system,
it is only a suggestion but try to lose the hatred of men, cos we are not all the same, but we are all trying to fight the system.
I also would like to know is this a forum or blog site.
Dear John
I do not have hatred for men, on the contrary... I am engaged to be married again. I still have faith in men.
The sadness I feel is for my ex for being such a hypocrite and lying so much about his situation to the courts and to the system, while he is having the time of his life in Brazil and soon on his way to Portugal for 4 days after 45 dyas in Brazil. What annoys me is hering him say to my kids, I love you more than money!! Is that something that u say to children.
If I had an ex like you , willing to be there for the kids, financially , morally, emotionally believe me I would be more than happy that the dad would have more contact, it would be a shared job as it should be.
But unfortunately the world is full of people without a conscience rather than with one.
Maybe it is the issue of men who love and want their kids well being that we women, moyhers should join forces with men like you.
Maybe it is something for us to think about and finally get some justice for both sides, eaqually. But for that to happen, these so called fathers and so called mothers who deceive the system and try to get away with murder should learn the meaning of the word HONESTY.
keep in touch.
Natacha
Hi natacha,
I have read your e mails and will be delighted to put your story on the web page,
it is your choice do you wish to change your name at the bottom also it will be published exactly as you wrote it, is there anything you wish to add or omit. however this can be altered at anytime or removed it is up to you.
cgfap is about partners, we are not biased in either direction, it is the injustice of the system we want to change, not to abolish it altogether.
we support all campaign groups, if you have something to hide you wouldnt campaign, so there is substance in everything you do. the csa need radical reform, my wife left me for another man they are both working and I have to contribute, which I do happily, but she created the situation.
What price do you put on bringing up children.
i still have to pay the bills and the £18k that she left me in debt, while she starts afresh with a new man, I do not mind paying purely because they are my children, but the more I earn the more she gets, does the childrens level increase with the additional money.
i have bought them clothes and shoes, the last pair of trainers I bought jack my 3 year old he was so excited he wanted to wear them home, I agreed and my eldest told me that she left them outside all week because she didnt want my germs in her house, so what does she think of the children?
we will support your group in whatever way we can, we can provide a link with our site, together we can win...regards john
Hi John it is fine to put it as it is. The name I have nothing to hide, and I am sure the ex doesnt access sites like these as they dont talk about football!
My ex as well left me with debts, but life goes on, and the kids need to be fed, clothed, need to study, hobbies etc...
We go out to ballets, musicals, operas and travel... all the best for them so they can open their horizons and have more options in life. The ex... well, beer, women and football would summarize what life is to him. Him in the sky and God on earth, that is his slogan!
We need to join our forces and get our voices heard so we can fix this failed system!
Dear Mumenori
I simpathize with all that you are going through, and the same way that men mess the ex wives about, I am sure that ex wives as well mess the ex husbands about.
The problem with that is that it isnt fair. I never had any problem with my ex seeing my kids, but what I couldnt accept was the fact that he used them as trophies and was capable of turning his back on them for almost 2 yrs with no reasonable explanation... What I cannot accept is a man/woman being hipocritical. This is what gets to me.
I am a hard working mum and I do my best for my kids, but I cannot admit one lying blantly to the courts, cafcass and making me look like the bad one. I am not against mum/dad having access to their kids, what I cannot accept is taking them and then dumping them with other people to go and play football. Not doing fun things with them during that time they have together and always saying to them that he doesnt have money, but can take them to the pub after a game of footie so he can drink beer.
You see.. I dont like double standards... and this is what I am fighting for here, for people to stop lying...
My ex sayd he hasnt got any money, but how did he manage to go skiing in dec for a week, and now has been since 16/02/06 in Brazil on holiday?? As far as I am concerned it cost alot of money! And then he goes to the courts and cries he doesnt have money... You see double standards once more! This is what drives me crazy!
I dont want his money for me... All I think he should do is at least cooperate woth £50 p/w for the two of them. Is that alot? All I would like is that he llived up to his responsibility as a father... Is that asking too much?
Wise words my friend. Of course we cannot say that all men are bad and all women are bad. some do suffer from accute Peter Pan Syndrome, some women suffer from stupidity as well. They think that taking the kids away will make the man pay for his errors. This is not how it should be. some women walk out on their kids and dont bother looking back, but what drives them to that? I think people in general who dont live up to their responsibilites are people that have serious issues and never confronted them. I remember my ex, when our son passed away instead of dealing with the loss, once he was buried it was as it never had happened. People who run away from thereality, who try to block reality out end up as they are, in this case as our ex's.
This system really needs to give the CSA and the Inland revenue more freedom to investigate thoroughly about the NRP situation, because it is sooooo easy to lie and deceive. I agree with what u say...
i have to go to court next week because my son's ABSENT father wants contact after being absent for 3 years.
will my son be listened to as he only six.
if im not going to win{i have refused staying contact as my son does not want to go} should i even bother to turn up at cout?
Oh please do turn up.
I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I cringe with hatred in the courts but I go. If you don't it will only stand against you.
Unfortunately in this country they think that father's have the right to their kids even if they dont pay maintenance, or do what a proper father should be doing. I do not understand what they will get out of causing psychological problems for the child. What kick do they get out of it?????
You have to prove one way or the other that the father isnt a good influence on the child, and if the court says that contact should be established , say that you will only feel at ease if ir is through a contact centre and with supervised care, as he hasnt see the child for so long and is a stranger to him.
That is what I did.
Contact in Centres can go on for a long time.
I myself did that, my kids have been seeing the so called dad at a contact centre. The contact began in february , he saw then twice and then buggered off for 2 months, the last time they saw him was 11/02/06. He needed a so deserved rest poor, mas, has been working soooooooooo hard!! And thenhe rings them feeding them loads of crap, such as : Daddy bought you loads of presents, but will only give you some and the rest when you come to daddy's home.
You need to keep a list of it all, of all that is said. He keeps on telling my kids: I Love u more than MONEY! ( yeah, because daddy cant be botherd to spend his money with you guys, but Ilive you very much!).
I am gathering all the evidence I can get, he usually portrays himslef on websites, and plasters pics of him having a great time on them.
I know it is unfair, and it makes u want to cringe with anger, but not going will only make matters worse for you, because you will be making him look good and you will be the bad one, while he is the poor victim.
Go, stand up for your son and let the judge know how u feel. Gather evidence.
My kids say that they are fine with the contact centre and prefer staying there with him rather than going to his house, because at least there he HAS to play with them. But the contact in such a place can go on for many months, even years.
I have a hearing now next month due to contact, the so called father is sure that he will be granted contact outside the centre at this hearing, not if I can avoid it, and I can prove to the judge that he is not a responsible person that can be trusted with them.
So, I would advise you to go... It is a hassle but you need to do it.
Natacha
I can sympathize with your pain and frustration. It is so unfair how this whole system is so unfair.
What i find it odd, is that the UK considers itself to be such a 1st world country and they have laws dating fromk the dark ages. And the worst is that all we are doing is protecting our kids from getting hurt and psychologically damaged.
I see from my kids, everytime they see their dad one of them becomes awkward, and how so afraid they are to lose me. I do everything for my kids. I have had for the last past 18 months someone new, who loves them and that they love dearly as well, they say to me that they wish he was their dad and not what they have. What can u do, u make mistakes in life and when a child is envolved in this mistake, with no blame, unfortunately they are the ones to suffer because one of the parents is being unreasonable and pig headed. Why I say parents is because sometime women can be very spiteful as well and use the kids to get what they want, sometimes the man really is a good dad, but the woman seeks vengeance by using the kids. I think it is wrong either way for a mother or a father to use the kids. They have a whole life ahead of them and they need to grow with stability and love.
Unfortunately in our case, because the ex here is a hypocritical bastard, who plays the victim in court, who cries in front of the judge, who says things to the judge and as he turns his back he does the opposite and doesnt follow the orders given by the judge, and everytime we go back to court, as he goes with no solicitor, the Judge gives him yet another chance and this stupidity cdontinues.
What the judge doesnt see is how damaging it is for the kids. Try to convince them otherwise.
Why is it that a man who vanishes for 2 /3 yrs all of a sudden can claim his rights?
What gives him the right, just because he decided that he had enough fun and he remembered he has a child? My little trophy, I shall take it form my shelf, polish it and when I am done I shall put it back?
Because this is how I feel how the so called dad sees his kids!
It is really unfair and frustrating, you feel like banging the judges head against the wall, because he is being so pig headed.
You work hard, you do all the best to bring your children up in a proper way, but for the judge, it is not a matter of money or any sort of financial support. It is that the FATHER has the right to see his child, because one day he donated a sperm!
Try to dig up any sort of dirt on your ex, and prove it. You never know what you can find on the net, it is an amazing weapon.
Where is the contact taking place?
But, you have to go to court, if you dont go you might get in trouble and things could get worse.
I know you feel low and sad, I do as well, but you have to keep strong and sane for ur kids sake.
Take care, I am here if u need to chat.
Natacha
i dont know where else to turn to be honest and telling the "story" over and over gets tiring its like you have to constantly remind yourself that you are in the right!im sure you know what i mean, and is it just me but does the word solicitors and court scare u to death because it does me, basicly my 2 kids "father" has had nothing to do with my kids for over a year..even though i have begged him and his family to come..and now after a year he decides he wants to..but he is taking me to court for access.my eldest son has behaviour problems and i am so scarred he will be even more affected and i really could do with a listening ear to well basicly cry to!!it makes me laugh though that the fathers have such an easy ride of it..walk out come back whenever they fancy who has to explain to ikids.. mother (and have to tell the truth even tho u r dying to tell kids what they really think) who pays for kids..mum,who cleans them,feeds them,does without,worries about whats right,whos there no matter what... the mother makes me sick but do you see mums hanging off buildings?? do u ek there at home playing with the kids, keeping them safe and warm..tell u what tho it needs to change.. what else can we do??would the courts let me take a year or so off on a break??paying nothing?!!!
I know how you feel, my ex vanished for 2 yrs and now he has been going to court with no solicitor, so the judge can take pity in him. It is dreadful how they manage to get away with murder! And what happens here is that we, good mums, or good dads, end up suffering with their hypocrisy. If a mum did what a dad did, turned his back to the kid, we would be seen as a bad parent, as a demon, How dare she turn her back on her own child! How can a mother who gave birth to the child do that! But the society in this country, or world is so chauvinist that they find it normal that a father vanishes and then can come back to burp his rights! Problem is that they dont see the long term damage that it is causing to the kids. My kids have been in therapy for over a year now, and when we finally were achieving some sort of normality, the courts and CAFCASS agree that it would best if he began having access to the kids again. I asked for a drug test, he was suppose to do it in june 05 he did it in nov 05, why? Oh well to give himself a chance to get rid of the drugs, he needed 3 months for that. And you want to know something?? THe judge said nothing! And accepted his poxy tests results!
My kids were well and happy and now with him in the picture again my little one has been playing up non stop. It is always a challenge after they have seen him at the contact centre, where he feeds them, with rubbish, and says that seeing daddy play football is the most important thing! They can learn a lot form it!
It makes you want to scream with frustration. Unfortunately we end up with male judges and these , being male cannot see what is in front of them! All they see is the so called law and they do not take the child's well being in consideration. A child needs both parents! Hahahahaha!! that is what they say! Why then yes, but a father who isnt only there to take them out for a couple of hours, feed them Mcdonalds, he has to be financially responsible as well! But noooooooooooo, if he says he hasnt got money the contact shouldnt be deprived, but the mother can go out and work all hours to make neds meet!
It revolts me, and make me nauseous how this country is so living in the dark ages.
I am here to share your burden. Whenever you need to talk, just give me a shout. We are all in the same boat.
i no!! its a simalar situtaion and i am so scarred of the whole court etc thing.. but now iv been told today i have got 2 court cases on my hands the grandparents, and the dad so i am in bits. have you been to court did u say? coz i dont even know what to expect and there is so many things i want to say about the family etc and the reasons i have for the way i feel but they will see them with no solicitor and like u said pity them. do you have an email addy i could ask you questions i have??if not on heres fine its like a tiny lifeline !!! and i want to be able to tell someone the background etc and then see from fresh eyes if i am within my rights etc xxx its gonna get worse and i am a wrek now!xxxx thankx
Yes, I have been to court and several times, and on my way again on May 15th. As always he goes with no solicitor and God knows why they dont listen to what I have to say.
So far, my experience in court has been reasonable. The problem is that you really dont get your voice heard. Your solicitor represents you and you only are heard through him/her. I had a chance to speak my mind at out financial trial settlement. I was praised by the judgem who said I was a very sage and organised woman. I had the chance of telling him that the ex was not a man nor father, because a man and father lives up to their responsibilities.
Regarding contact, he goes and cries in court. I keep tract of everything he does. Thank God his mother lives in another country, and his sister, who lives here as well, sees the kids once a month, but only with me. I get on well with her, but our relationship is superficial, chit chat, really nothing deep. Everytime I go abroad to visit my parents, I ring his mum so she can come and see the kids. I fulfil my part. Even though the grandmother has nothing to do with the situation, and it is a pain to do this, because the last thing I want is to see them, they are still part of my kids life. Why I do it? The court cannot hold anyhting against me. Saying that I do not allow his family to have contact. You have to bemore clever then them, you have to keep calm and poised in court, show the judge that you are an intelligent woman and you want the best for your kids, if the judge is good enough he will be able to see through the ex. Even if they turn up with no solicitor, the judge may be more patient and give the x a chance, but if he sees that he isnt complying to the orders,then he will start putting pressure on him. That is how it was with me.There was a time that the ex would turn up at the kids school almost everyday, I went to court and got an injunction, kids were terrified, but he thought he was doing nothing wrong!
Dont be afraid, show security and stand your ground.
My email is: nlaniado@hotmail.com
I am here to help and give support.
I know how frustrating it is and it would have been best if they never wanted to have contact, but for them it is a game, and one thing I am sure, is that his parents are putting pressure on him, because if he doesnt see his kid, how will they see him? That is what happens with the ex. His family is constantly putting pressure, so he does this because of this pressure. Not that he really cares.
But dont let anger blind you, think rationally, and act rationally, it will only help your cause.
Take care.
i have been through the court experience recently and to perfectly i feel that nobody was really interested.
i was particularly disappointed by cafcass, and question what role they have as they certaintly didn't support me ie the mother very much.
i son has experienced behavioural problems after having contact time with his dad, but cafcass was not interested in hearing this.
they were more concerned with the father's rights!!
i am willing to share my court experience with anyone who wants to know about it. just feel free to ask for my email address
I can imagine how annoyes you feel. Everytime I go to court I see the judge giving the ex yet another chance to prove himself, without considering what I am going through. Honestly I feel so let down by it all, and now that a new hearing is dawning I can feel myself getting all worked up. I have been doing so much for my kids, why is it that they just cant go away. Why cant the judges just see things the way they are, and worse of all, I have heaps of proof of his good life style and his unhealthy partying! Do they consider it? No.
Here is a place where u can vent ur frustration.
Let it out.
went to see a solicitor...just as i expected basicly the "father" can piss off for however long and still have "rights" to see there kids in the eyes of the law(bollocks)children need a dad even if he is a looser waste of space and not commited iv had enough now feels like all the hard work u do will be washed away and what a laugh.. supervised contact isnt its someone roamin about the same building as the dad and the kids how stupid no way im gonna let this happen iv worked to hard for my babies to let a "stranger" walse back in and play big daddy..(sorry just lettin off steam!) but how much more can a mum be let down
Oh dear. I do feel for you, and I know exactly what you are going through. This is why we have to make a stand and get our voices heard. I will not stand for this, it is absurd! Mums devote all their energy to their kids so the bastard of the ex , who never cared about their kids as he should can just waltz back in their lives and destroy everything! No wonder so many women end up taking desperate measures and vanishing from the face of earth with their kids.They are not being spiteful, they are just following their instincts as mums and protecting their kids from the worse damage that can happen if they stay. The law needs to change and we need to get out there and make our point.
Calm down, no one will take your kids from you, he doesnt even want the obligation of looking after them full time. This is just beyond a joke!
I am sickened by the latest 'fathers for justice' tactics of handcuffing themselves to a minister, recently in the news.
Being a single mum who has to put up with the ex, its another example of how men just use 'bullying' tactics, its so selfish to think of just their rights what about the children involved. My own six year has certaintly formed his own opinion of his absent dad.
it is absolutely pathetic. And they are taken seriously!!!! What is wrong with this country? Why is it that they turn a blind eye to the mums that struggle and do their best, while these idiotic so called dads pull out ridiculous stunts and get their damn voice heard? It makes me sick!
Hi there
Have had to contact CSA since separating from abusive husband. Husband who tells me i get nothing from him cos i keep his son from him.... Anyway contacted the CSA and thought i had contacted a different planet.
Woman from CSA - CAn you not just come to some arrangement with your husband?
Me -- well he is abusive, threatening, have court order to keep him away from me and have had to instigate NO CONTACT to keep sane, so no i cannot come to some arrangement...
Woman from CSA - ok in that case we can send out the paperwork...
Me - how long will that take?
CSA - oh approx 6 to 8 weeks....
ME- right so any money will be backdated then?
CSA - no of course not, until he gets the papers he wont know we are after him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE IS THE FATHER OF MY SON, HE LEAVES, CLEARS BANK ACCOUNT AND WONT KNOW HE NEEDS TO PROVIDE FOR HIS SON ......!!!!!!!
The CSA should be ashamed of themselves. Once he gets the papers he will rip them up. Once they take even one payment he walks out his job........
Yet he still gets access to his son, who he pays nothing towards, uses him as a weapon against me ,
sorry i thought i lived in the 21st century .......
very upset and angry mother
Dear Angry mum...
I know how u feel, been there, still there..CSA has told the ex that he has to pay £5p/w for 2 hahahaha!! Does he cough up the money? Does he cough up the back dated money? NOT! Yet he still has money to go to Germany to watch a World cup match!Or just join in the fun on the streets of Germany.
I have been sending the CSA proof after proof that the ex is a fraud and a liar. Since 2005, Jun to be exact, guess what still waiting! In the meantime I have to be civilised with him for the kids well being. It is a catch 22... But what annoys me the most is having to be courteous... While he does whatever he wants. Typical. Unfortuately this country lives in the dark ages where the men rule and men laws are the only ones that deserved to be heard.
Everytime I ring the CSA it is the same ladida....Filled in a variation form, and his case has been sent to the criminal dept. So far nothing, zilt, zero, nada!
Even David Camreon wrote to me!! Yet what good did that do??
So far nothing, zilt, zero, nada!
If u need to get rid of ur anger I am here to listen.
i too am having trouble getting the csa to help me and my ex is taking me to court on thursday for access to see his son but heres the funny thing he works in the isle of man a tax haven so the inland rev cant find him and he is getting legal aid and earning just under a grand a week and i have to pay my solicetor to represent me in court and i get just under a grand per month and i cant proove anything and he wants to see our 14 month old son but doesnt want to pay and he wont tell were he lives either because he lives with his urrent girl friend and she is a single parent and doesnt want her benefits messed up i havent got a leg to stand on
The problem is with the british system that is dreadful. Unfortunately if you cannot compromise with your ex there is not much you can do regarding him taking you to court so he can see his kid. The british system believes that you dont have to pay to see your kid, they believe that the child has the right to access to a mum and a dad even if one of the parties doesnt cough up the money. THe CSA is hopeless, completely hopeless, they were offering me £20 a month for 2 kids, what a load of rubbish! I managed to sort out my differences with the ex and we are on good terms now, and he pays for half of their activities, school lunches and gives me money each week for them. It want easy but I persisted and got what I wanted in the end. Unfortunately your ex is being shallow and mean by not offering himself to help you with the upbringing of your child. Men have this idea that they will punish the ex wife by not helping financially, but what they dont see is the harm that they are making towards their kid. Unfortunately all you can do is go to court and stick to ur guns. The court will not deal with maintenance issues as the CSA is the responisble and hopeless department for this.
I wish you luck.
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